


Can I Cult On You

by AssassinatingTearribly



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: But Not Too Seriously, Can be read as gen, Comedy, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Cults, Cursed, Gen, I don’t even know man, Karma’s out of control gay in this ngl, M/M, honestly there’s more romance between takaoka and karma, it’s for plot reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25965976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssassinatingTearribly/pseuds/AssassinatingTearribly
Summary: When Takaoka is released from prison, Karma seems to be the only one who cares.So, he takes him to dinner and somehow ends up forming a cult about Nagisa.That’s a normal thing to do to for your best friend, right?
Relationships: Akabane Karma & Original Character(s), Akabane Karma & Shiota Nagisa, Akabane Karma & Terasaka Ryouma, Akabane Karma/Shiota Nagisa
Comments: 1
Kudos: 57
Collections: Assassination Classroom Big Bang 2020





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> My piece for Big Bang and also the longest thing I’ve ever written.
> 
> And it’s not even long lmao
> 
> @ColoredMoon was my artist. She made the stunning painting you can see below.

  
ColoredMoon

_Stunning Nagisa_  
2020   
Oil on canvas

The darkness of the alleyway served as no deterrent to Luna Noona, the leader of the idol group MooMoon. She was walking home from a tense group rehearsal, if she could handle six 20-something girls giving her the stink-eye when they thought she wasn’t looking, she could handle anything the world decided to throw at her. Ever since one of their members died from an overdose, the rest had been collectively hostile towards her. Ungrateful bitches, it wasn’t _her_ fault Miki overdosed! A sudden rush of wind to her right sent a chill up her spine, despite her confidence that the universe couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ , hurt her. She hadn’t done anything wrong!

If it weren’t for her, they wouldn’t be where they were today. Those performance drugs were the _reason_ their group could polish a new song and routine in less than 48 hours! Luna was the one who’d introduced them, who’d _made_ them all use them. Their success was all because of her! Without her, they’d have been lost. So what if one of them took too many and died? No one ever said success came without sacrifice.

“They couldn’t survive without me,” she mumbled as she began walking again.

Unbeknownst to her, she was being watched by several pairs of eyes filled with murderous intent, directed right at her. Most of them were on the roof, except for one pair of cold blue eyes that hid in plain site, pressed up against the alley wall. There was a hit out on her for $50,000 USD; five times the usual rate, catching the attention of many assassins. It wasn’t a mystery to any of them who’d sent it out. The drug scandal was known far and wide.

Nagisa steadied his breath, trained reflexes prepared to jump into action at any moment. This wasn’t his first kill, and wouldn’t be his last. He listened to the clicky footsteps grow closer and closer to him, while keeping an eye on the roofline above him. He could sense strong bloodlust coming from there and he knew that it (and their guns) would be focused on him the second after he made the kill. He had to be quick.

“They don’t appreciate me,” Luna huffed, finally reaching Nagisa’s hiding spot.

With a silent whip of air and blade slicing through skin, his knife slit the back of her neck and she dropped. The thud her body made as it hit the ground, he used to cover his retreat. None of the other assassins heard or saw him slither back into the darkness.

Understandable confusion flittered through them. It was so quick, so precise, so clean, none of them had a chance to properly register what happened. Only one of them recognised the technique, the grace, for he had been victim to it himself.

“It was him,” he breathed out.

“Who?” a voice to his left asked.

“The boy who faced my whip and lived. He did something to me. Stunned me without using a stun gun. So he became an assassin...”

“Do you know his name?” another voice asked.

The whip assassin was quiet for a moment, thinking back to that moment. “His mother called him Nagisa, I think.”

“Nagisa, huh?” a voice said, above him?

He looked up and almost screamed, for there was Luna, floating an inch from his head.

She giggled. “Surprised?”

“Uh...” he pointed at her body still lying in the alleyway. “How?”

“Idiot, I’m obviously a ghost.” She rolled her eyes like she couldn’t believe anyone could not believe in ghosts, forgetting that five minutes ago, she didn’t believe herself.

“What do you want?”

“Who said I wanted anything? Can’t a ghost say hello without scrutiny anymore?”

“You’ve been dead five minutes,” the voice to the left pointed out.

Luna ignored them. “Do you know anything else about Nagisa? Where he lives? Where he’s from?”

The whip assassin shook his head.

“You’re useless. I’ll find him myself.”

Without another word, she flew away into the night, leaving behind three confused assassins.


	2. Karma has a dinner date with Takaoka!

Karma paced around his tiny office, which was really just walking the two steps between his desk and door over and over again. Maybe pacing was too strong a word. It was more like hopping.

He glanced at the clock ticking loudly on the wall: 30 minutes until he could leave work. He was meeting up with an old enemy from 3E, something he never thought he’d do. But Takaoka being released from prison was something he never thought would happen either, and yet, here he was, waiting to leave for a dinner with him.

When Karasuma first informed the class he’d been set free, there was a spur of worried talk in their barely active Class 3E groupchat, but it died down after a week as people got on with their lives. They may have let it go, but Karma wasn’t about to so soon. Maybe the others didn’t care that Takaoka could still be harbouring revenge against the class. That _Nagisa_ could be in danger. Whatever the case, it was up to him alone to investigate.

Scheduling the meetup was easier than he expected; once he got his number through absolutely not legit means, Takaoka agreed, suspiciously quickly. Karma was sure he was up to something. An interrogation was in order. One that even a trained DA veteran wouldn’t pick up on.

After Karma had hopped around his office for what felt like an eternity, the clock finally hit eight o’clock. It was go time. Smoothing out his clothes and checking his hair in the secret mirror he kept in his desk drawer, he grabbed his grown up man bag and left.

The bright lights of the city hit him at full force as he stepped out of the Ministry of Economics building. The restaurant he’d picked was within walking distance so he didn’t have to worry about dealing with the body-packed train. He arrived a few minutes earlier than they’d agreed and was directed to a table that faced the entrance.

He declined the waitress’ offer of water, tapping his foot impatiently against the table leg. He’d never admit it to anyone, but he was a bit nervous. Takaoka could have all kinds of plans for tonight. He could have weapons concealed all over his toned body, assuming he was still as fit as he was 10 years ago.

“Karma kun?” a strong manly voice asked, and he looked up to find it was Takaoka, looking as buff as ever. Karma eyed his dinner-suit-covered muscular arms; he could be hiding knives under there. Naturally, his eyes then wandered downwards- “Karma kun?”

Startled out of wherever that was going, Karma mentally straightened up. “Hello, Takaoka,” he said coldly, to make sure he knew he had no interest in being _friendly_ in any way. “Please take a seat.”

“It’s nice to see you again.” Takaoka, once settled, smiled charmingly at him. Suspicious.

“Likewise,” Karma returned through the gritted teeth of an equally charming fake smile.

A waitress came over and handed them menus. They studied them in silence, sneaking little glances at each other from behind the cloth-coloured cardboard. The soft light coming from the candles illuminated Takaoka’s face in a way that made it look so smooth, Karma was tempted to reach out and gently trace his fingers down those ugly scratch scars that forever plagued his face.

“Karma-” incredibly dry looking lips started. “I suppose I should call you Akabane san now that you’re all,” he gave Karma a once over, “all grown up.”

“Karma is fine-“ he replied automatically, like he was back in junior high again. Nowadays, he was used to introducing himself as Akabane Karma and keeping it formal, unless he was on a date, and this was _not_ a date.

“Karma kun it is, then. You shot right up, didn’t you?” Takaoka’s smile twitched as he spoke again, “How tall did that little squirt Nagisa kun end up?”

Karma narrowed his eyes, but he couldn’t resist the chance to make fun of Nagisa’s height. “He only grew 1cm, despite praying to the gods so much he went broke.”

He chuckled. “Poor little Nagisa kun. When I see him next, I’ll give him my sympathies.”

_If_ he ever saw him again. He wouldn’t, if Karma had anything to do with it. He resisted the urge to bound and restrain Takaoka right there. He needed to be careful. There was no knowing what he had planned. Karma needed to treat him like a sane man with a mutual interest, and, sadly, that mutual interest was Nagisa himself.

The waitress came and took their order while Karma thought through his approach. What could he say to get Takaoka to trust him? A normal Nagisa conversation was a good start.

“Nagisa looks a bit different now,” he began. “He cut his hair.”

“About time. Does he look like an adult now?”

“No. He still looks like he could be in junior high. He told me his students this year thought he was another student.”

Takaoka looked alarmed. “That’s outrageous! He’s not a student, he’s a wise teacher who should be respected!”

Karma cocked an eyebrow. Was he serious or making a joke? He should go along with it either way. “I agree he,” his mouth struggled to form the rest of the unfamiliar words, “should be respected by his students. I believe he is now that they’ve experienced his,” his jaw threatened to lock, “fine teaching.”

Takaoka nodded, pleased. “I’m glad to hear that.” He studied Karma for a moment. “I’m surprised how much you’ve changed, Karma kun; saying nice things about one of your old classmates so easily.”

“I’m just stating the facts.” And it was true, he was. Everything about Nagisa awed him still, from his teaching and assassin skills, to his inhumanly soft hair and thiccness. But he wasn’t used to saying it out loud. To prove he was serious, _only_ to prove he was serious, he added, “He’s amazing. He was amazing in junior high, and he’s even more amazing now.”

Takaoka beamed, a manic look in his eye, as if Karma’s words had triggered something within him. “That’s right! Nagisa kun _is_ amazing! Ten years ago, he spared my life and every day since then, I have devoted it to trying to understand him. During my years of solitude, I meditated with his grace and skill in my mind, trying to reach a higher understanding. Without contact with him, I feared that it was all a waste, that he would’ve changed too much by the time I had the honour of meeting him again. I am grateful to you, for inviting me to dinner to put my worries at rest. To tell me that he has not changed as much as I feared.”

Karma froze. His suspicions were right. Takaoka was as insane as ever! His obsession with Nagisa was beyond what Karma thought was possible. His insides twisted up with anger and before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “You’re obsessed!”

“I’m not obsessed, I’m enlightened-“

“Are you ready to order?” the waitress interrupted, apparently not picking up on the mood at the table.

‘We need more time, thank you.” Takaoka glared at Karma, while smiling pleasantly at the waitress.

“Would you like to hear the specials? Today’s main is escargot-“

“We’ll take two of those and a bottle of champagne.”

It was Karma’s turn to glare at Takaoka. He hated when people ordered for him, and why champagne?

Unfazed, the waitress nodded and took their menus. “Thank you very much. They’ll be out shortly.”

As soon as she left, Karma continued their fight, “I knew you weren’t to be trusted. I knew you were a danger to Nagisa, *that’s* why I invited you, not to quell your fears. As long as I’m around, I won’t let you get anywhere near him.”

“You sound like you’re obsessed, not me.” Takaoka’s smug face was so punchable. Karma? Obsessed? No way- that gave him an idea.

Karma forced himself to calm down. “You’re right,” he lied. “I am obsessed, but I’m not the only one.” He made sure he had Takaoka’s full attention. “How would you like to meet with people who appreciate Nagisa as much as you do?”

“What do you mean?”

“A group of us meet once a month to talk about Nagisa. Why don’t you join us at the next one?”

“Sounds like a cult.”

“It’s no-“

“I’m in.” Takaoka grinned him at him. “I was planning on forming one myself. I had a feeling there’d already be one, but I didn’t expect you to invite me to dinner to recruit me.”

Karma wasn’t sure whether he’d made things better or worse. On one hand, now he had a way to keep an eye on Takaoka’s obsession with Nagisa. On the other hand, now he had to make a cult for his best friend.

“Happy to have you on board.” Karma raised his empty glass. “Now we have a use for that champagne.”


	3. Karm starts a cult and seduces Terasaka!

The day after his dinner with Takaoka, Karma had already formed a plan in his mind. The first step was to recruit members, but he couldn’t exactly advertise it online. And he was too busy to personally invite people himself. What he needed, before he could even consider who to invite, was a lackey to do it for him, preferably one he didn’t have to pay. For this step, he’d have to rely on his handy seduction skills.

Karma loosened his tie as he strolled into the office where Terasaka worked. “Hey, Terasaka~”

He looked up from his work and scowled. “What do you want, Karma?”

“I want you~” he perched on the edge of Terasaka’s desk, long legs sexily crossed in front of him.

Terasaka pushed him off. “For the last time, Karma, I’m not gay!”

“I am~” He threw in a wink for extra spice.

“Don’t say that like it makes this better!”

“And I’m attracted tooo~ you~” Karma bopped Terasaka’s nose, smiling coyly. He decided it was time to bring out his secret weapon. Slowly, he lay back on Terasaka’s desk, pushing everything off in the process.

“Karma!” Teraska growled, scrambling to pick everything up.

“Don’t be like that. Pick me up instead~”

“You’re too tall.”

“Don’t tall-shame me. I know you’re strong enough~” Karma ran a hand down Terasaka’s arm, feeling the strong muscle underneath.

“Fine! I’ll do whatever you want this time, just stop!” he yelled, shoving Karma’s hand off, all thanks to Karma’s seduction skills.

Karma got up and grinned, satisfied. “Congratulations. You’re now secretary of my cult.”

“You’re-“ his eyes bulged out, “you’re cult?! I knew you were up your own ass, but making a cult for yourself?!”

“It’s not for me, it’s for Nagisa.”

“Nagisa?!”

“Keep your voice down.”

He scowled, but lowered his voice. “Why are you making a Nagisa cult?”

“Takaoka,” Karma began and he explained everything.

They arranged to meet for drinks after work to discuss the first step. Karma didn’t like to make a habit of drinking with his coworkers, especially not Terasaka, but this was for Nagisa. It was a strange experience, to list all the people who would be most likely to want to essentially worship and regularly discuss Nagisa with other people.

The first person he thought of was Yuuji, the boy who’d fallen for Nagisa during the island assassination. And he just so happened to still have his number in his phone. He originally got it as a joke, but never used it. Karma knew he gave off the impression of being a sugar baby, but he wasn’t interested in being second to Nagisa.

He gave Yuuji’s number to Terasaka, along with instructions on how to recruit him. The idiot wasn’t great with his words, but he could follow orders better than anyone else he knew, besides maybe Ritsu, but he couldn’t ask her to do it. She’d no doubt tell Karasuma what they were up to, or worse, _Nagisa_. It wasn’t worth the risk.

After Yuuji, he had no clue who else would be interested. Maybe Lovro? Back in 3E, he’d taken a special interest in Nagisa that Karma was slightly jealous of. _Very_ slightly. He ordered Terasaka to contact him too, on the off chance he joined, he’d be a good asset at keeping Takaoka in check if he tried anything. Terasaka would be too, Karma supposed, except he’d have to be ordered to and that was a lot of effort.

The next few days passed like normal, nothing unusual happening. Terasaka successfully recruited Yuuji and, surprisingly, Lovro too. The next step was booking the location the meetings would be held at. Luckily, Karma already had the perfect one in mind.

A large business hotel near the 3E mountain had a conference room that could be rented out for a few hours for a reasonable fee, with refreshments provided. It was far enough away from the school where Nagisa worked that he wouldn’t get suspicious when several people he used to know travelled in the same direction, if he happened to see them. Karma booked the room for the next available date, a week from then, and every month after that for two years. With luck or maybe something else, Takaoka would be dead by then and they could end this ridiculous thing.

Karma texted Takaoka the details personally and received a wink and prayer emoji in reply. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but the meeting was happening. He asked all of the other members to meet there an hour before Takaoka, to explain that they had to act like they’d been doing this for months.

The day of the meeting, he walked into the hotel and was directed to the room. With a sense of anticipation, he entered and sat down at the head of the table. That’s right. He was the boss here.

He turned to Terasaka on his right, who’d arrived before him. “Are you sure everyone has the right address and time?”

“I’m not a’ idiot, Karma!” Terasaka said.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes, it’s a yes! They should be here any minute.”

While they waited, Karma gave him a once-over. Terasaka’s brown hair, no longer dyed blonde at the bottom, he realised, was the exact same colour as Takaoka’s.

“What?” Terasaka asked, a little red in the face.

“You really do look like Takaoka.”

“Shut up!” After a moment of silence, he grinned. “So, how mucha’ gonna pay me?”

“Pay? You’re doing this for free, remember?”

“I never agreed to that!”

“Yes, you did. You said you’d do anything if I stopped tempting you with my body.”

“I wasn’t tempted by your body!!” he yelled, very red in the face this time. Karma knew he was lying. No one could resist his seductive charm.

Karma, smirking, got up and draped his arms around Terasaka’s neck. “Are you sure~” He leaned down to whisper in his ear, “I could pay you with your body if~ you~ want~”

Trying to escape, Terasaka tilted his chair back and slammed his head into Karma’s with a force that sent him reeling. Karma held his head in his hands and sat down at his chair again. Terasaka may have one this round, but there would be many, many more rounds to win. He’d get him someday.

“Hello?” a nervous voice asked, face peeking out behind the slightly opened door. “Is this the meeting about Nagisa kun?”

“It’s been awhile, Yuuji kun.” Karma stood up and bowed. This guy had money and influence, it was worth the effort of being polite. “Please take a seat.”

Slowly, Yuuji fully opened the door and sat at the nearest seat to it. He looked around, wide-eyed and confused. “Where is everyone? I was sure it would be packed.”

“We have two more members coming. We’ll do introductions once they arrive.”

“Only two? How? Nagisa kun is so nice.”

“We’re hoping to recruit more soon. If you know anyone who might be interested, please let us know.”

Yuuji nodded enthusiastically, seemingly already comfortable. “Can we talk about Nagisa kun’s hair first, please?”

“Uh, sure-“

“There’s a topic pad near the refreshments table you can use to put down anything you want to talk about,” Terasaka interrupted, voice clear and professional.

Karma blinked. So he was taking it seriously now, huh? He was _such_ a secretary.

Yuuji got up and spent a good five minutes writing on the pad. Before he was finished, Lovro had arrived.

“Hello, Karma kun, Terasaka kun,” he greeted, frowning. He didn’t wait for them to reply, going to sit opposite Yuuji’s currently empty chair. “What’s all this about, really?”

Karma was used to answering straight questions, in both a work and romantic capacity, so his explanation was pre-prepared in his mind. “A former enemy of 3E has recently been released from prison. Back then, he was obsessed with Nagisa and after some investigation, it seems he still is, to an alarming degree. These meetings, this cult, will be a way to keep an eye on and contain his obsession. He’s still a danger to Nagisa, no matter what he says.”

While Lovro moulded over his words, Yuuji stopped writing and sat down again. Noticing him, he waved at Lovro in greeting. Looking back and forth at all the serious faces, he frowned. “What did I miss?”

Karma sighed. He couldn’t be bothered explaining it all again. Yuuji didn’t know half the details anyway. “All you need to know is I told the last member, Takaoka, who isn’t here yet, that these meetings have been going on for months. So, we all need to act like they have been.”

“Okay...” He didn’t question it. Perhaps he saw the truth in Karma’s face and thought it better not to ask? Whatever the case, Karma would happily go along with it if it meant he didn’t have to repeat himself.

“I’ll go along with this plan,” Lovro said, looking Karma right in the eye. “Nagisa is my best active pupil. If something happened to him, it would be very inconvenient.”

Though they were harsh, Karma found confidence in his words. Lovro was a hardened assassin, with him on their side, they had a better chance of keeping Takaoka at bay. Yuuji could be an asset too, he supposed. According to Nagisa, he had good lie-detection abilities.

There was a knock on the door, knocking Karma out of his thoughts. “Come in,” he answered.

The door creaked open, revealing a very different-looking Takaoka. His head was shaved and he was wearing Bhuddist-style robes. He looked like... a monk? “I didn’t expect anyone to be here yet. Good to know that the people of Nagisa’s cult are as dedicated as me.” He grinned and took the seat next to Karma. “Nice to meet all of you, fellow Nagisatorians.”

Nagisa.. torians? Karma decided not to comment on it. For now, it was harmless.

After introductions were made, it was time for the part that he’d been looking forward to the most: weaselling money out of these suckers. “Now that we’re all here, we can begin the first thing on the agenda. Hope you bought your purses. It’s time to pay the monthly admin fee. Terasaka, please go ahead and collect them all.”

Karma heard Terasaka grumble under his breath a bit as he passed him.

“It’s 20,000 yen this month, covering all general expenses. Of course, Takaoka, you need to pay the admittance fee of 50,000 yen as well.”

“That’s all?” Yuuji asked, pulling out his wallet and handing Terasaka the cash.

“Fine,” Lovro said, following suit.

Karma looked expectantly at Takaoka, who was foraging in his robes. “Something wrong, Takaoka?”

Unexpectedly, he paled. “I’m sorry, I don’t have enough with me. I usually don’t carry seventy thousand yen around with me and I didn’t realise there would be a fee.”

Karma faked a heavy sigh. “As long as you pay it next month, I’ll let it slide, but no telling any new members! Don’t want to give them the wrong idea and encourage irresponsibility, do you? I don’t think Nagisa would like that at all.”

“Of course, I won’t say anything.” He bowed his head. “You have my word.”

“Let’s move on to the topic card.” Karma gestured to Terasaka to go get it for him. This time the swearing under his breath was loud and clear. Once he had it in his hands, he cleared his throat and began to read, doing his best Nagisa impression. “First, we will discuss his hair, then his kindness, his advice, his patience, and finally, his... toenails? Okay.” Yuuji was a strange guy.

“His hair is beautiful,” Yuuji said, dreamily. “So long and-“

“Sorry, champ,” Takaoka interrupted. “He cut his hair.”

“Oh.”

“And in doing so, he taught us the importance in free thinking. For our heads are weighed down by hair, and only once we are free of it, can _we_ be free. I recently followed his example and shaved my head, and I feel freer than ever!”

“Or maybe it’s because you just got out of prison,” Karma suggested.

“Oh, yeah, that too.”

“Didn’t you take it a bit far, shaving all of your hair off?”

“You mean he’s not bald?”

“No, he’s not bald. Sorry to disappoint you.” Takaoka really did look disappointed.

“Glad he’s not. I don’t think he could pull it off, personally,” a feminine voice that didn’t belong to anyone in the room said, in English.

“Who said that?!” Yuuji yelped, clutching onto the table.

“Keep your pants on, it’s just me.” The voice changed to Japanese.

Karma’s stared in disbelief as a girl materialised out of thin air in front of them. She was lying casually on the table, dressed in expensive-looking clothes. She flicked her purple hair over her shoulder and winked when she noticed Karma. “I’m Noona Luna, you’ve probably heard of me.”It’s 

“How did you do that?!” Yuuji yelled.

“Do what?”

“Appear out of nowhere!!”

“I’m a ghost, duh. Geez, do I have to explain that to everyone now?” She yawned and sat up, crossing her legs.

Karma surveyed the room, the rest of them were speechless, and decided it was up to him to talk to her. “Uh, Noona chan, why are you here exactly? And how do you know Nagisa?”It’s 

“One question at a time, please. And you can call me Luna.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m here to help you. Nagisa was the one who killed me.” She said the last sentence in English, as though she knew Yuuji had no idea Nagisa was an assassin. She must’ve been listening in the entire time, Karma realised.

“Okay.” He cleared his throat. “How do you propose to help us exactly?”

“You’re clearly lacking members and I know some people who might be interested.”

That would certainly be helpful. Without consulting anyone else, he opened his mouth again. “We’ll accept your help, but who are they?”

“Oh, some assassins that were there when I died.” She said it like she was talking about the weather. Karma was glad she wasn’t. Talking about the weather was _dead_ boring. “One of them had a whip.”

“Sounds like one of mine,” Lovro said, acting unfazed even though he’d looked as alarmed as the rest of them. Karma wondered if he’d ever seen a ghost before in his line of work.

“If you’re going to join the cult,” Karma felt like his eyes might be twinkling, “you’ll need to pay theadmittance fee.”

She laughed. “Yeah, yeah. I know all about your admittance fee.”

“Terasaka.” Karma snapped his fingers and Terasaka stood up clumsily, looking lost.

“I never said I was going to pay it.”

“Can’t afford it?”

“How dare you! I’m a world-famous idol, of course I can afford such a measly sum!”

“Then cough it up.”

She stared at him. “Do I need to explain what a ghost is to you?”

“No, I know what a ghost is.”

“Then you know that I can’t touch material objects like money.”

“I-“ Karma felt the heat rise to his face. He did he forget such a crucial detail? Not wanting to lose face, he remembered a ghost theory that was in a movie he watched once. “Some people say ghosts can touch metal.”

“Those people are wrong.”

“Have you even tried to?”

“I don’t need to.”

Karma forced a smile, frustrated. He pulled out a 100 yen coin. “Why don’t you try touching this?”

“No thanks.” Her nose crinkled up. “Looks dirty.”

He clenched his fists. “That shouldn’t matter to you if you’re sure you can’t touch it.”

“Don’t get so worked up. Think of it as me doing you a favour instead if it bothers you so much.”

“Do me a favour by paying the fee!”

She laughed again, floating upwards. “How about instead you leave me in charge of recruitment and you put my share of the profits towards my admittance fee, okay?”

“Fine,” Karma sighed, resigning himself. “You better bring recruit a lot of people.”

“Oh, I will,” she giggled, flying away. “Later.”

There was a long moment of silence after she left.

“Um,” Yuuji broke it, “can we talk about Nagisa kun’s toenails now?”

Takaoka nodded in agreement. “The trimming of his toenails represents personal growth. How we, as individuals, must constantly trim away the bad parts of ourselves and grow anew...”

Karma had definitely made things worse, for himself at least.


	4. Karma encourages a mass suicide!

“No, Nagisa kun _would_ like me! He likes everyone!”

Three months later, Luna had successfully recruited 10 more people, all assassins who had witnessed Nagisa at work or heard about him through the assassin grapevine. The meetings were a lively than ever. Karma, despite his annoyance that she still refused to try to pick up a coin, appreciated and respected her fast work. There was only one problem.

It was utter _chaos_. Karma was sure that it was worse than running a kindergarten. There was also the slightly concerning detail that he wasn’t sure why she was really doing this.

“Karma kun!” one of the new assassins called, snapping him out of his reflection.

“Yes, Blade?” The assassins insisted on going by their assassin names to protect their identities.

“Whip says Nagisa kun wouldn’t like me! That’s not true, is it?”

Karma sighed. He was used to these kinds of questions now. “Probably.” It was easier just to go along with it.

“See?! I told you, Whip!”

Whip was considered a kind of saint amongst the assassins, because he’d lived through a Nagisa attack and he was very _whipped_ as a result of it. He was constantly retelling the tale like it was gospel and it got on Karma’s nerves. _He’d_ experienced far more attacks than him, but he wasn’t flaunting it all over the place.

Takaoka’s weirdly religious comments had turned into a weirdly detailed book of scripture. There was an entire chapter dedicated to Nagisa’s thumbs. A thumbs up from him was a sign you were going to live a long life or something. Karma wasn’t sure exactly, but he knew it was ridiculous. At least it kept Takaoka occupied. He hadn’t tried to attack Nagisa, _yet_.

Lovro had taken it upon himself to look after the assassins, and boy did they need a lot of looking after. They were all lost in one way or another, searching for guidance. Karma was just glad Lovro made sure they all paid their fees.

Karma sat down in his spot and watched the room. A second later, Terasaka came over, holding the money bin, like he’d been waiting for him. “Have you collected all the monthly fees?”

“All except Luna chan’s.”

 _Of course._ That darn ghost hadn’t recruited anyone new this month either. Karma had given up on her.

As if on cue, Luna flew in. “Nagisa kun looks especially good today~” she hummed.

All at once, the assassins stopped talking and took their seats.

“What was he doing, Luna chan?” one of them asked. Karma recalled her name was Hammersaw.

“He was grading papers at the table.”

They all oohed. Karma scoffed.

“Why was he grading papers?” another piped up.

“He’s a teacher most of the time, Clumsy Clover. He’s only an assassin during the summer.”

“Wha- but that’s such a waste!”

“Yeah, it’s a waste of talent!” Blade agreed. “He should be killing full time!”

“I’ve offered him jobs during the school term,” Lovro said, “but he always turns them down.”

He should turn _all_ of them down, Karma silently added. “He likes teaching more.”

“It’s not right,” Hammersaw muttered. “It’s not right!”

There was a moment of silence. Karma hoped they weren’t about to suggest anything crazy.

“He’s a very talented teacher,” Takaoka began. “But we can learn more from his assassinations. They teach us about life and death. How fleeting it is. How beautiful it is. How it must be cherished, because you never know when he’s going to come for you.”

“We should help him!” Whip announced. “We should help him quit his job and become a full time assassin!”

_Oh no._

“YEAH!” Clumsy Clover shouted enthusiastically. “Let’s ruin his life and make him live in the darkness with us forever!”

“It’s where he belongs!” Hammersaw yelled.

Karma’s mind scrambled to come up with a way to stop them. He couldn’t let them do this! It wasn’t the violent threat he’d expected, in a way it was worse, so he had no pre-thought-out plan ready. Suddenly, as he watched the assassins celebrate, it came to him. There was something more important to them then Nagisa killing other people, it was what an _honour_ it was to be killed by him. Well, why wouldn’t they want that for themselves? “His targets are so lucky,” he said above the noise, trying to start them off.

The closest one to him, Whip, heard him and nodded fervently. “I’m one of the unlucky ones. He spared me that day and ever since I’ve craved his clap. It’s stun, it’s ache, it’s paralysis. It makes you feel more alive than you’ve ever felt. That’s the way I’d like to die, if I had the choice.”

“Hehehe, I have experienced it!” Luna giggled. “You’re all missing out!”

“Shut up!” The weapons the assassins threw at her, went right through her.

“Wow...” Blade said, awed at his words. “I want to experience that.”

“Me too!” Hammersaw agreed, and the rest followed.

Karma hid his smile. That was too easy.

“We could,” Takaoka mused. “We could experience it.”

“How?”

“We could ask him to kill of us, using his stun clap. He, the one who is merciful, would be willing to. And if he committed such a mass slaughter in one place, he’d have no choice but to run and become an assassin full time!”

There were gasps. “It’s the perfect plan!” Whip bought out his whip and whipped. “Let’s do it!”

_This was better. He could work with this._

If Karma made sure their plan was one that Nagisa was sure to foil and alerted him that something was wrong, he could kill all of them for him, and they wouldn’t even fight back. Sure, Karma could just put a hit out on them, but that was a lot of work, though he was sure Lovro would help. He was as tired as Karma was.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Yuuji trying to sneak back in. But these were assassins he was trying to sneak up on, no matter how distracted they were. In almost perfect unison, they all turned to look at him. He froze. “Sorry, I was in the bathroom. Did I miss something?”

“We’re going to die for Nagisa!” Clumsy Clover told him.

“Die for Nagisa kun?” He beamed. “That’s the spirit! Love him so much you could die!”

“We intend to! Are you going to join us, Yuuji kun?”

“Of course! I’ve loved Nagisa kun that much since junior high!”

Karma didn’t know if he should tell him or not.

Lovro took pity on him. “Yuuji kun, they really intend to die.”

“So do I!”

“At the hands of Nagisa.”

“Fine by me!”

“They’re forming a plan.”

“Let me in on it!”

“ENOUGH!” Terasaka yelled. “Yuuji kun, they’re going to try to ruin Nagisa’s life and really make ‘im kill them!”

“Ruin his.. life?” Yuuji’s eyes were as wide as saucers. “Why?!”

“Because it’s an honour,” Whip said, cracking his whip again.

“I-I won’t let you!” Yuuji weakly put his fists up in front of his face.

The atmosphere darkened as he collectively triggered their bloodlust. They stood up, weapons recollected and drawn. Karma almost gulped himself.

“Okay, I’ll let you!” he squeaked. “Go right ahead, guys, have a great time. Say hello to Nagisa for me. Bye-bye!” He was out the door faster than Karma had ever seen him move.

“Right,” Whip said after they’d all sat down again. “What’s the plan?”

Karma hoped Nagisa was prepared for what was about to be thrown at him.


	5. Nagisa meets a ninja!

“Nagisa sensei?” one of his students, Ken, approached him while he was grading the test they’d just completed.

“Yes, Ken kun?”

“I-“ his expression was scared, Nagisa realised and he put down his pen.

“What’s wrong?”

“I saw a ninja outside.”

 _Oh._ Ken was only nine so it wasn’t a cause for concern at all. Kids thought they saw things all the time. Last week, Anzai swore she saw a cloaked figure stalking down the halls when she went to the bathroom between classes.

“I’ll let the Headmistress know,” Nagisa reassured him and he went back to his seat.

Nagisa went back to grading papers, but he struggled to concentrate. There was an itch on the back of his neck, like someone was watching him. Not one of his students, something he couldn’t feel the wavelength of. It wasn’t a new feeling. It had been persistent for the last few months, though some days it disappointed completely, but it always came back. Trying to ignore it, he pressed on and before he knew it, he’d finished and the bell for lunch was ringing.

“Alright, class, enjoy your lunches and stay inside please.”

He pulled out his own and checked his phone: no notifications, as usual. He wasn’t a very popular person, he’d long known that, but Karma still hadn’t replied to the text he sent two days ago. He was worried. Karma normally replied within a day at the latest.

Before he could think on that anymore, the school fire alarm rang. He stood up immediately. There was no drill scheduled so it must be the real thing. “Everyone, get into a line and proceed to our designated emergency meeting spot in an orderly fashion, just like we practiced a month ago, remember?”

There were a couple screams but his obedient class didn’t panic, lining up behind him. They made their way out of the building safely and headed towards the school’s running track. Once they were seated, Nagisa told them to stay put and talk amongst themselves quietly, walking over to the nearest teacher.

“Any idea where the fire is?” he asked, looking at the steadily climbing smoke.

She nodded. “We think it started in the roof shed.”

“The roof shed?” Nagisa repeated, peering in the location of it. It was hard to see clearly, but he thought he saw something dark moving in the smoke. The conversation he had with Ken sprang into his mind. Very low chance it was actually a ninja, but it was suspicious.

“The idol club stores their costumes in there.”

He barely heard her, focusing on what could only be a head, moving. Making up his mind, he asked her to keep an eye on his class while he investigated. He left before she could protest.

He pulled out a handkerchief to cover his mouth with and ran into the building. The sound of the main doors flapping shut behind him, merged with the distant sound of sirens. He had to act fast.

He used the staircase on the opposite side of the roof to avoid the smoke. When he pushed the door open, that plan backfired, as a huge cloud of smoke flew directly into his face. Coughing slightly, he surveyed the scene, spotting movement in the corner.

Without making a sound he crept closer to them, keeping hid breath steady, which become a real challenge as the smoke got thicker around him. Whoever it was, they weren’t moving anymore.

They looked too heavy for Nagisa to lift, so he didn’t try. Instead, he put all his adrenaline into dragging them to the less smoky side of the roof. As he did so, a lighter and a business card fell out of their pockets.

Nagisa took one look at the lighter and _seethed_ with anger. What kind of person tried to burn down a school?! Especially _his_ school.

Despite his rage, Nagisa wasn’t going to leave them to die, so he pocketed the card and lighter for evidence and continued dragging them. Within a minute, they were in the least smokey part of the roof. The open door to the staircase was only a metre away.

As Nagisa rested for a brief moment to catch his breath, firefighters thundered in and took over for him. They picked the ‘ninja’ (Nagisa didn’t know what else to call them) up and decided Nagisa looked too weak to leave on his own feet, too. Being hoisted up over someone’s shoulder like that reminded him of Karma, and for a second, he forgot that he was in a burning building and closed his eyes to enjoy the ride.

When he opened them again, he was outside and his students were running towards him. He smiled, he told them not to move. As they fussed over him and asked him if he was okay, _Ken_ tried to scold him for running back into the building. These kids, _his_ kids, they were the most important part of his life. And someone had tried to take them from him.

When he got home, he pulled out the lighter and business card the ‘ninja’ had dropped. The lighter was nothing of note, besides the possibility of getting fingerprints off it. The card, however, was almost too convenient a clue. It was the card of a hotel he knew was near the 3E mountain. The one that Karma and him used to hang out at during their high school years. Not that that was relevant at all.

He squeezed the card between two fingers, similar to the shape of a gun. It was the only clue he had, if he didn’t follow it, was he really a teacher?


	6. Nagisa makes a dramatic entrance!

The next day, school was closed while the extent of fire damage was investigated. Nagisa decided to take the opportunity to follow the clue.But first, he had to look the part.

Donning his night assassin outfit, he painted his nails black; an integral part of his get up. They made his hands harder to see in the dark. Maybe it wasn’t the best choice for this task, but, the truth was, everything else was dirty. He was _very_ behind on laundry. He even had to wear his special assassin underwear, which was more like a thong, if he was being honest.

He realised what a mistake it was when all the working adults on the train kept giving him the occasional judgemental glance. It was costumey enough that people assumed he was cosplaying as an anime character, which, though he didn’t like them thinking that, was an advantage.

When he arrived, he stood outside the hotel for a moment, holding the card up next to the logo on the building. Yes, this was the right place. There was no doubt about it.

The receptionist smiled at him as he stepped into the lobby. “Welcome! Are you here for the conference? I’m afraid you’re early.”

He chose his words carefully. “Oh, really? My apologies.”

An idea seemed to come to her, for her face lit up. “Since you’re so early, why don’t you tell me more about the boss.”

“The boss?” This was tricky territory, pretending like he knew someone she regularly saw.

“Yeah, the tall, handsome redhead.”

_What._

It was... KARMA?! He was behind this?!

_Is that why he hadn’t texted him back yet?_

“Uh, I-I’m sorry I don’t know that much about him,” Nagisa lied through his teeth.

“So he’s the mysterious type?” She sighed extravagantly. “Maybe someday our paths will connect.”

Something came over Nagisa and he lied again, “Sorry, I do know that he has a girlfriend, though.”

Her face fell. “Oh.”

“Do you mind if I wait in the lobby lounge until it begins?”

“All guests are free too use our facilities at leisure.”

“Thank you.” He left her disappointed, and settled in at the lounge. It was hidden behind the main grand staircase, so he’d be able to hide from anyone coming in through the front. At the same time, there was a large eye-level gap in between two stairs that he gave him full view of the entrance. It was a great vantage point.

While he kept watch, he tried to make a plan in his head, but all he could think about was how _Karma_ might be behind it. Sure, it could be a coincidence. Lots of people of all types use this hotel, but the card, Karma, the way the receptionist assumed he was here for a specific conference (probably due to his clothes) and the lack of a texted reply, screamed connected to him. But why would he try to burn down Nagisa’s school?

Karma was well-known for his practical jokes, but committing arson was too far. He couldn’t afford to be caught, in a job like his. If he was behind it, there had to be a good reason.

As Nagisa pondered all the different possible scenarios, he lost track of time. Two hours had passed already?! He’d been keeping a keen eye on the door and was positive nobody had slipped past without him noticing. Surely the meeting must be happening by now. Maybe they’d come through the back way and he’d missed them completely.

Getting up, he prepared himself for a dramatic confrontation. He stood in front of the conference room doors and stretched all his muscles, ready for action. Taking a deep breath, he lifted a leg up high and kicked the doors in. He bursted forth, one hand on his hidden knife, the other on his gun. Adrenaline surging through his body, he was prepared to fight. “KARMA-“

Heat rose to his face as he realised the room was empty. Oh, he was too early, after all...

He slowly backed out, hoping no one saw him, but stopped when he spotted a note on the table.

 _Hello Nagisa_ , it said.

_If you want to find out why Karma hasn’t texted you back, come to the clearing where you used to meet._

Alarm bells rang through Nagisa’s head, could they be holding Karma hostage?

Without another thought, he grabbed the note and ran out of the hotel.


	7. Nagisa saves Karma!

The still familiar walk to their clearing was overgrown now, the trodden path nearly invisible to the untrained eye. Nagisa could tell that whoever had Karma, hadn’t taken this route.

He stayed low and quiet as he followed it. An ambush was his best chance of victory, when he had no idea how many people there were. He wished he’d bought more weapons, all he had was the shotgun strapped to his back and the knives and handguns in his side pockets.

As he drew closer to the clearing, voices floated down to him.

“Do you think he’ll come?”

“Why wouldn’t he?”

Oh, he’d come, alright. Slowly, he climbed up the nearest tree and hid in the branches. His newly heightened view revealed the entire scene unfolding below him.

Karma was there, hanging from a tree in a net like a sad puppet nobody wanted to use anymore. Surrounding him, were eleven people, two of which looked _very_ familiar. Takaoka and the first person he’d successfully used the wavelength stunclap on. What did _they_ want?

He wasn’t going to wait to find out. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good. Using all his honed assassin experience, he readied his weapons. The highest number he’d taken out all at once before was ten, but Nagisa was always up for a challenge.

First, he shot five of them with his shotgun, all lethal shots. He used the thump of the bodies falling in unison to silence his jump to the ground, where he wasted no time, slicing the necks of the four closest to him. That left Takaoka and the other guy, who he very carefully shot in the head with his handguns.

It was over. Nagisa was standing in an ocean of red.

Speaking of red, Nagisa needed to get Karma down. Calmly, he cut the rope holding him, letting it fall to the ground. Karma’s fall was cushioned by the bodies, anyway

“That was...” Karma started, standing up and attempting to brush the blood of his suit. “Thanks.” He smiled at Nagisa.

“No problem,” Nagisa said awkwardly. “Do you mind explaining what happened?”

“Oh, sure. But it’s a long story. Do you have time to get a drink?”

“Karma, we’re covered in blood.”

He waved it off. “There should be beer in the classroom fridge still, unless Isogai’s drunk it all. We can clean up there.”

“Fine.” Nagisa returned his smile.

“Can we come too?!” an excited voice behind him asked.

Nagisa whirled around, knives ready, and then he dropped them. “What?!”

“Oh, yeah, turns out ghosts exist,” Karma said like it wasn’t a life-changing revelation.

All eleven people he’d killed were now hovering above their bodies, plus a familar-looking girl ghost laughing in the corner. “How is this possible?”

“It’s all thanks to you!” Takaoka said. “Thanks to your truth and power, we were all brought together, to die together.”

_What?_

Nagisa couldn’t even begin to pick that apart, he was still focused on the TWELVE GHOSTS.

“Though I’m disappointed I didn’t get to experience your stunclap again, this death was a sweet one. We didn’t even to ask you, that’s how gracious you are!”

_Seriously, what._

Nagisa stared at Karma. “I can see why you didn’t reply to my text.”

“It’s a long story,” he chuckled. “Come on, let’s get that drink and I’ll tell you all about it.”


End file.
